Crying

Today I cried.  I haven't cried in a long time.  Well, at least not about Nicholas having down syndrome.  But today, I cried because I realized how much harder it is because he has down syndrome.  Today was Nicholas' second day of preschool at his special education school.  And when I dropped him off, I learned they assigned an aide to him because he cries.  And the aide holds him to calm him down. 
See, I had planned on putting Nicholas in a typical 2 year old playgroup for awhile now.  In my head, Nicholas is more typical than not, and the school was the same one Nathan went to at age 2.  How much different can Nicholas be than Nathan?  Yes, he can't talk as much but he can still communicate by signing.  Plus, it is only one day a week for two hours. 
But, tonight was the orientation for parents at the typical school. And I felt out of place.  I knew two moms there and their two boys will be in Nicholas' class.  But despite that fact, and the fact that I knew the teacher and the school, I felt like I didn't belong there.  As we talked in the group and laughed about two year olds, I wanted to say outloud "But my son has down syndrome!"  And I looked around and thought how much easier life would be if Nicholas did not have down syndrome.  How I would be smiling and laughing instead of crying inside because I am a nervous wreck about sending him to a typical class for two hours a week!  And how this school can't offer an aide to hold Nicholas when he cries after he realizes that I dropped him off.
I feel like I need to be strong and just give it a chance.  Even if we fail and he doesn't make it through even a class, at least I can say I tried.  I just need to stop crying about it. 
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