Wheels Around the Park

Yesterday we went to the Down Syndrome Parent Group's Annual Walk..."Wheels Around the Park."  It truly is an amazing event.  The walk began the year Nicholas was born and we have attended every single one.  In the past, going to the walk used to bring mixed feelings...some happiness because of all of the support, but sadness because...well, because we were attending the event because OUR son has down syndrome.  But this year, it was all GOOD. 

We ran into all of our "DS friends" ....and it is quite a number!!  And the kids are growing up...so fast.  The kids had such a great time playing games, getting their face painted, etc.  Nathan actually said to me when nit was time to go home "Mom, can we come back tomorrow?"

 And our good friends and family came out to show their support for our Nicholas.  We are truly blessed!

The Great Valley Pumpkinville

We started celebrating fall early this year.  We decided to head out to Pumpkinville today.  It was perfect...just a bit overcast and not busy at all.  We went with the usual crew: aunt, uncle and cousins and nana, too.  The kids loved posing for pictures.....

And took the cow hay ride (that's me holding Nicholas to make sure he doesn't jump out LOL)...

We also did pony rides, the corn maze and a really bumpy hay ride.  And they had pumpkin donuts with home-made cider.

Today was a great way to kick-off fall (even though the Buffalo Bills got killed today).  And we shared it with some of our very favorite people.

On another note, I survived 3 days on Nutrisystem so far (even with all of those home-made temptations today).  I have to say that the food is terrible though.  I don't think I'll be able to tolerate another month of the food.  But, I'm hoping that I will drop some weight this month so I can switch to Weight Watchers with a smaller stomach and body :) 
Happy Fall!!

Crying

Today I cried.  I haven't cried in a long time.  Well, at least not about Nicholas having down syndrome.  But today, I cried because I realized how much harder it is because he has down syndrome.  Today was Nicholas' second day of preschool at his special education school.  And when I dropped him off, I learned they assigned an aide to him because he cries.  And the aide holds him to calm him down. 
See, I had planned on putting Nicholas in a typical 2 year old playgroup for awhile now.  In my head, Nicholas is more typical than not, and the school was the same one Nathan went to at age 2.  How much different can Nicholas be than Nathan?  Yes, he can't talk as much but he can still communicate by signing.  Plus, it is only one day a week for two hours. 
But, tonight was the orientation for parents at the typical school. And I felt out of place.  I knew two moms there and their two boys will be in Nicholas' class.  But despite that fact, and the fact that I knew the teacher and the school, I felt like I didn't belong there.  As we talked in the group and laughed about two year olds, I wanted to say outloud "But my son has down syndrome!"  And I looked around and thought how much easier life would be if Nicholas did not have down syndrome.  How I would be smiling and laughing instead of crying inside because I am a nervous wreck about sending him to a typical class for two hours a week!  And how this school can't offer an aide to hold Nicholas when he cries after he realizes that I dropped him off.
I feel like I need to be strong and just give it a chance.  Even if we fail and he doesn't make it through even a class, at least I can say I tried.  I just need to stop crying about it. 
I

Half Success

First day of 2 year old preschool was what I'll call a "half success." We started out successful. Nicholas woke up happy, ate well, and looked great....

..he was happy to smile with me for the camera...

...he was ready to head out the door...
And drop off was easy. A bit "too easy". We went in and he set off to play with the school toys. He didn't look back when I walked out the door. I thought to myself "what was I worried about?"

Then came pick up time...two and a half hours later. When I walked in, the front door ladies told me he started out okay, but then he didn't want to come in from outside and wanted to go the gym. So, I knew this wasn't good. Nicholas is quite stubborn.

I got to the room and they were all in circle time singing songs he knows, songs he can sign too. But, Nicholas was crying. And was beyond thrilled to see me.

Having a child with down syndrome makes me ask myself lots of questions. And the questions go something like this :
Did he cry today because he has DS or because he is a two year old boy that is having trouble adjusting to mom being gone?
I know, seems like a pretty dumb question. But, having a child with his diagnosis makes you wonder those things all the time.
Does he have tantrums because he has down syndrome or because he is two years old? Does he choose to run away from me because he has down syndrome or because he is an exploring two year old? I hope some day I can learn to stop asking myself those silly questions. Because I know deep down in my heart, that this is his personality. And he cried today because he missed me and is smart enough to know that this is a new thing for him.

Oh, I guess it was more than half a success today. Because he was exhausted when I picke dhim and took a wonderfully long nap...

Changes

There are a lot of changes happening in our house, esp. with my Nicholas. He has officially went from baby to little boy.

He has gone from a crib to a big boy bed. It is a super cool red race car bed....and he loves it!

He also starts preschool on Tuesday and the thought of it just makes me sick to my stomach. It is going to be much harder for me than for him. I still think of him as this little...


When in fact he is really this big...

I hope I can make it through the morning without crying. The class is only 9 to 11:30, but it is the first class without me.

I am truly excited for him. I think it may be the fact that there are no more babies in my house that is hitting me hard. I love that they are becoming independent little boys. But I miss those baby moments. This is going to be a bittersweet week!